My apologies loyal readers as an epic battle Tuesday with
some very tenacious wallpaper lulled my brain into continuously looping the
Jeopardy Final Answer music; crippling it and leaving it unable to pursue
serious pondering. Fortunately my equally determined son, armed with an
industrial strength wallpaper steamer and thirty fewer years of excess baggage
joined me in battle; and sustained by moral support from the lovely Ms. D and
equally lovely daughter-in-law E who also rounded up copious quantities of
pizza and breadsticks, we triumphed over the paper monster.
Yesterday’s activities were just another reminder of how
fortunate D and I are to have some of our immediate family close by (and how
much we miss those who aren’t). Cleaning and renovating Mom-in-Law’s condo is a
daunting enough task, and having some help certainly eases the burden. It also helps
to have your children empathize with you and appreciate the mental strain you
are going through in trying to whittle away everything but the essentials of
the estate of someone still with us.
We worry constantly about how much to do to MIL’s primary
residence even though we know she’ll not be returning; trying to guess at what
will upset her and what she’ll be OK with. Sure we ask her opinion, communicate
with her about each step we take and try to make sure she’s OK with it, but
often she’ll bring it up again with a whole different perspective when we’ve
already taken action. Frustrating…
With our Son and DIL as caretakers, they’re very sensitive
to what Grandma would want, so their sensitivity will be very comforting when
they take temporary custody of Grandma’s place. Ultimately she seems OK with
all of the choices, but it is still her home and it will be for as long as she’s
with us. Sandwich living can really be a bear sometimes! But we’re all family,
and this is the way things are.
My Son and I got into a good discussion about the big
picture of family this week. Years ago the “family” might have property in the
city, in the country and at the shore; of course some wealthy families still
do. His perspective on property is a
little different than that of other young people today as he sees his Grandma’s
property as something he has as much responsibility for as his grandma and his
parents. It’s a bigger picture of what the family has and what the family is,
kind of a multigenerational living philosophy applied to more than just
happening to reside in the same building. In fact S emphasized that it’s not
really the property, or even multiple properties, but a sense of place; it
wouldn’t matter where the property was actually located. Hey S, hope I got that
right.
I could see that S gets what I was talking about a few posts
back; that this conversation was as much about roots as it was property and generations
living together. It led me back to the reunion this past summer and how I felt
knowing my family’s history and that I had many more connections than I ever
imagined before. Using a flora and fauna analogy I think people really need
both roots and wings. We expect our children to fly, to become independent, to
grow and live successful lives on their own and with their chosen mates.
But with wings come flocks and migration and breeding
grounds; those sound a lot like roots to me. Yes I suppose a few of us are
raptors (eagles, hawks, falcons for you non-birders) and lead a semi-solitary life.
But it was pretty obvious to me that S appreciated having roots as well. And
when you have roots you nurture and care for them as much you do those who have
taken wing and flown.
Wow, rereading this post I realize yesterday’s battle must
have scrambled my brain, this post is all over the place and not very cohesive.
Well hopefully it still provides some food for thought.
Meanwhile I’m recuperating from my battle wounds, tending the
roots, and preserving a home base for those who have sprouted wings (and, I
suppose you could say, flown the coop!)…Pops
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