Tuesdays with Terry really began in October of 2009. The
previous spring my wife and I traveled to Florida to bring her parents back to their
home in Michigan for the last time after 25 years of “snowbirding” to their
condo on the Gulf Coast. Mom was getting concerned about Dad’s driving, and by
routing them via plane to South Carolina they could visit their granddaughter’s
home once before we picked them up there for the rest of the return trip.
Dad muddled through driving during the summer, but doctors
determined in October that he should not be behind the wheel anymore. However,
they still needed to run errands on Saturday, get to church on Sunday, and
visit their friends at the mall – at least once a week. Dad still tried to walk
at least two miles a day at the mall or in his neighborhood, and “the group” at
the mall included some golfing buddies of his – he tried to golf at least once
a week and at 85 he could still “shoot his age” or better. Hence my new assignment:
chauffeur.
Since I was working from home it seemed best if I gave up
Tuesday mornings to spend time with Mom and Dad including breakfast at
McDonalds, meeting the group and walking at the mall, and an occasional lunch
at Taco Bell or Arby’s. Our Tuesdays became a time of telling family stories,
following the “best friends” approach to dementia care, regular walking for me,
and trying to figure out how to eat healthy at fast food places. It also was a
time for covert monitoring of Mom and Dad’s health.
Information gleaned from Tuesdays with Terry provided clues
my wife and I needed to assess the necessity to manage her parents’ affairs and
step in when the time was right. Family time on Saturdays and Sundays further
filled our need to monitor and support Mom and Dad. The addition of Thursday
night family dinners out with Mom and Dad, and our son and his wife, ensured
there was no long gap during the week when a family member was not in touch
with them.
And so began Tuesdays with Terry, so aptly named by Mom, and completion of “the
sandwich”. My wife and I became official members of the sandwich generation,
supporting her parents and our son and his wife as they began their careers.
Tuesdays with Terry got a little smaller when Dad passed
away in April of 2012; it was just Mom and me. During this first year without
Dad I watched her become more frail and felt her hang on my arm a little more
each week. After a beautiful Christmas morning together came the medical
emergency that would change her life, leaving her with needs my wife and I
could no longer fill. After putting off the decision to move to an independent
living center for several months, that choice was removed from the list of
options, and assisted living was the only affordable game in town. She moved in
three weeks ago to a place about a mile from our house. Then our daughter and
grandchildren came to visit during the course of their move to the west coast.
That visit is done, and I face Tuesdays alone with my computer.
And so Tuesdays with Terry, the blog, begins…
