20130924 – Redefining Passionate

Thinking about my last post, why would I want to redefine the adjective ‘passionate’? Because a lot of people, when asked what they are passionate about, can’t tell me. In fact, I don’t know what I’m ‘passionate’ about.

Here’s part of the dictionary definition:

1.       having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling; fervid: a passionate advocate of socialism.

2.       expressing, showing, or marked by intense or strong feeling; emotional: passionate language.

3.       intense or vehement, as emotions or feelings: passionate grief.

4.       easily moved to anger; quick-tempered; irascible.

I need to clarify that I’m talking about major decisions here, so number 1 is the relevant definition for our discussion.

This question comes up most often when I’m discussing with people major decisions such as career choices. When they are having a tough time figuring it out I often ask them to think about where their gifts and talents lie, and what they are passionate about. Gifts and talents can be easy (not always though) but often passions are not, especially for those of us who are more reserved or introverted. Some of us just tend to be more analytical, clinical, or logical thinkers. We operate based on what we think rather than what we feel. We want to control rather than be controlled by our emotions. Note that doesn’t mean we’re unemotional; I’ll get to that later.

So, if we’re not compelled by or ruled by intense emotion as the definition says, how do we figure out what we’re passionate about? How can we apply the advice to assess gifts, talents, and passions to arrive at career decisions?

Words mean things so my first thought is to remove ‘intense’ from the definition, leaving ‘ruled by emotion or feeling’ as a basis for the choice I’m making. That doesn’t quite get it for me. Next I switch from ‘emotion’ to ‘care’ and things start to make sense because no matter how detached or analytical I am, there are definite things that I care about. I care about preserving nature for our children and grandchildren; I care about people going hungry; I care about helping people work and relate better; I care about building better businesses; I care about quality; I care about education. These are all things that are important to me; important enough that I might want to do something about them.

So in my little analytical world, where I instinctively operate as a strategic planner type, I think about what I’m passionate about in terms of things that are important to me, things that I care about enough to act upon. And given those cares, I can carve out little pieces that are within my power to address with the gifts and talents I’ve been given. It’s a definition of passionate that works for me; maybe it can work for those of you like-minded folks out there.

Of course all this pondering about being passionate is not to say that I’m unemotional, I can be very emotional. Ever seen ‘The Holiday’ with Jude Law; “I’m a major weeper”, in contrast to Cameron Diaz’ character who hadn’t shed a tear since she was fifteen. Major weeper, that’s me. I even cry at a sappy movie with a happy ending, or a sad one. It’s embarrassing. I may not show it very often, but I get very emotionally involved when it comes to family and close friends. Definitions 2 through 4 above; no problem! Well, actually I don’t fit number 4 at all.

My point: don’t get hung up on the word passionate when making career decisions, translate it to a word that works to describe what motivates you, what’s important, what you care about. And remember, what drives you today may be very different from what drove you years ago, or what will drive you years from now. Be prepared for changes in career direction. Your vocation may not change but the jobs you engage in during your career may differ dramatically over time.

As always, rethinking what motivates me…Pops

20130917 – Wiser Words

I don’t recall ever hearing wiser words spoken by a young actor than these from Ashton Kutcher. Go ahead, watch the video, I’ll wait.

What did you think about Chris’ (Ashton’s) thoughts on opportunity, about being sexy (smart), and about making your own life, not just living a life?

My thoughts: he didn’t just hit the nail on the head; he smashed it right through that board. “Opportunity is like hard work”; actually it is hard work, not just like work. It’s about constantly preparing and promoting yourself. It’s about the idea that if you’re not improving yourself, you’re dying; if you’re not running the race, you’ve already lost it.

And those thoughts carry right over into building your own life; it’s a DIY experience. Life is not something you just let happen, or that happens around you; you make it happen. Life should not be happening to you while you’re making other plans. Life should be the result of combining planning with execution and spontaneity for a true one of a kind (once in a lifetime?) experience. The life you live should be yours, not something someone else created for you.

And on being sexy; it’s about who and what you are, not how you look. Being smart, thoughtful, and generous; I think compassionate would fit nicely into the thoughtful and generous realm. I think wisdom and experience fit into the being smart idea.

In short, I think Chris covered a huge amount of territory in just a brief lesson; one that applies to all of us, young or old, rich or poor, regardless of our beliefs, values, or opinions. Who expected to hear this from a guy who played his characters on That Seventies Show, or Two and a Half Men? I didn’t. But then, I don’t know much about Ashton Kutcher other than what I’ve seen through his characters or in the tabloids. No wonder he feels like a fraud!

I don’t know why he chooses to play the parts he does, but I suspect it has something to do with his comments about opportunity and work. Acting is a job he loves, is really good at, and about which he is extremely passionate. He’s richly rewarded for his efforts. It could all change for him at any point. He said he was never better than his job, he was always lucky to have one, and that each was a stepping stone. I think making this movie about Steve Jobs really had an impact on him, but even more than that, it reminded him of the life lessons he learned a long time before.

Wouldn’t it be remarkable if we all saw jobs that way, that we didn’t take jobs for granted or expect them as an entitlement? Wouldn’t it be amazing if we appreciated people not for how they looked but for how they lived, for whom and what they are? And I wonder just what would happen if we all built our lives instead of living a life someone else built for us? Now there would be some serious and meaningful reality TV rather than the load of garbage served up as nightly entertainment these days!

Pondering my own life, work, and sexiness (he grins) in a whole new context…Pops

20130910 – Finding a Way – My Way

I read a wonderful post from a friend of mine yesterday, a friend whose blog I occasionally refer to in my own posts, because she is so thoughtful and insightful, and has found her way as a mother, pastor, runner, and in many other roles as well. Her post and her choices provoked some pondering about finding my way. It also led to the question, “Whose way is it, anyway?”

We all make choices about the life we will lead, the way we will follow. We choose the way we believe is best for ourselves and our loved ones. We endeavor to follow the way we’ve chosen to the best of our abilities, and to make our lives meaningful; to make a difference.

And we face the struggles and ridicule that often come with our choices. We face the screams of those that are infuriated by the choices we’ve made and those who wish to force us to follow their way. We face the insensitivity of those who have no idea how we arrived at the choices we made, and don’t care.

But then there are those who respect our choices; those who take the time to understand how we arrived at those decisions, and why we follow the way we’ve chosen. There are those who take the time to understand and then ask only to be understood as to why their choices may differ from ours. They are the ones who help to calm the discourse, the ones who add patience and thoughtfulness to the exchange of ideas, and the ones who temper the shrill and strident nature of today’s culture and conversation. I appreciate those people; I hope I’m one of them.

I’m a Christian. As one, I’m called to make disciples for Christ. It doesn’t mean I level withering diatribes against atheists. I try to understand why they choose that way over mine.

I’m a conservative. That means I believe in a limited government that provides for the common defense, protects the liberties we’ve been given rather than limiting them, takes care of those who can’t take care of themselves, and sets some reasonable rules so those who can take care of themselves play nice with others. I’m happy, within reason, to render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s, provided Caesar is not trying to redistribute what I’ve earned to someone who chooses not to make the effort. I try to understand the differences between my point of view and that of people with liberal or progressive views, and why they choose to believe as they do. It doesn’t mean that I criticize them for their choices; they are entitled to them just as I am entitled to mine.

Hey, I’m a Spartan fan too; I bleed green, no disrespect to our Vulcan friend Mr. Spock. But I don’t rag on my Wolverine friends who bleed blue (or is it yellow)! It’s my choice; no one else’s. Not that it isn’t tempting to engage in a little trash talk with my niece’s husband on occasion; all in good fun of course!

The point is, the way I’ve chosen is my way, not someone else’s way. I hope the way I’ve chosen is based on dignity and respect for others, common sense (to me at least), my experiences and the opportunities I see to use the gifts and talents with which I’ve been endowed. But it is my way, not someone else’s, and I have the right to follow it within the ethical, moral and legal boundaries that protect us all.

Finding my way, one choice at a time…
-Pops

20130908 – Welcome Back and Caution, Facebook Rant!

If you haven’t seen any Facebook links to this blog since April, you are one of many who I unintentionally cut off from Facebook status updates by setting my privacy settings too tight! Please accept my apologies, and welcome back to Tuesdays with Terry!

There’s a lot of pondering to catch up on since the last post you may have seen; I have continued to post weekly despite the accidental security block. I just never realized the Facebook links weren’t visible although I was wondering why my status updates weren’t getting any comments or likes!

Speaking of Facebook security, how about this proposed new policy that allows Facebook to use even more of your information publicly without any approval other than your forced consent to their new usage policy? I’m not real keen on giving up more control of my identity without my approval or appropriate compensation just because Facebook is a useful communication device. At least on a blog I maintain copyright ownership of what I write. People can see my image and other material I publish but it’s my choice. I’ll probably keep using Facebook, but I may strip out as much personal material as possible and just use it more like email or Twitter.

Since I’m ragging on Facebook let me share a couple other thoughts. When you see “scare” posts about personal security or contaminated foods or other provocative stories, please check them at www.snopes.com before sharing. Many of these stories are simply intended to spam Facebook or perpetuate myths with the assistance of concerned Facebook users.

Also if you’re encouraged to share something like a recipe or other story to “make sure it gets posted to your timeline” please think twice about whether all of your Facebook friends are interested to see the story or if that’s really where you want it saved. If you think we’ll be interested, go ahead and share it. But if you really just want to save it for personal use, open a document on your computer and copy the story or recipe to the document. That way you don’t have to go to Facebook to retrieve it, and you always have it, even when you don’t have an internet connection. Not that some of those recipes aren’t very enticing; just think twice about sharing please!

Well, sorry about the rant; I’ll shut up now and try to be more positive in future ponderings.

Welcome back…

-Pondering Pops

20130903 – Passages

My niece commented on Facebook yesterday that "Nine years later, the pain is still there. Time does make it easier but I still miss her like crazy." Her Grandma M, my Mom passed away nine years ago yesterday and I know exactly how J feels. The images of a lifetime of memories of her scroll through my head as I allow myself time to dwell in the past and preserve it a little longer. I keep reminding myself of something I often suggest to others going through the pain of loss; that you never really get over it and that’s okay, but you find a way to get past it, to continue on somehow.

My wife’s Dad passed away last year and it still hurts, but I find a way to relish the memories as I continue to find things of his, things he owned, things he wrote, evidence of the things he accomplished in his lifetime, as his daughter and I empty the condo her parents shared and in which her Mom continued to live until assisted living became the only choice last winter. D is occasionally quiet and I imagine contemplative as she works through all of their belongings, and I wonder how she manages the overwhelming task of moving on; I assume it’s just like me, by putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

Then I think about our daughter and her Grandma K and how so often their phone conversations become tear-filled because they miss her Grandpa K and each other so much. I realize how much pain my children will be in one day as they lose grandparents, and parents; who knows when because life is not predictable. These are all passages we face, passages of a certain time that will not fail to arrive.

J turns 33 today, D and I celebrate 42 years of marriage tomorrow, C turns 29 Thursday, S turns 33 in a few weeks, and Little C turns 3 before the end of the month. These too are passages, a whole month of passages, of continuing, of moving on. We’ll celebrate a little tomorrow, send cards, share hugs and kisses, spend time together when we can, and keep on living as we were meant to do.

Life is a passage, a collection of passages, actually. We arrive, we live, our lives intersect, we experience joy and pain, happiness and grief, love and despair, and eventually we pass away. What we collect between arriving and departing should be experiences, relationships and memories, not stuff.

But stuff we do collect, some people more than others, and I tend to be a bit of a packrat. I’m also a sentimental old dude and some stuff I find it hard to purge: like a great grandfather’s Bible, a Father’s diplomas, a Mother’s wedding ring, birth certificates, baptism records, photographs of ancestors, a family heirloom, all reminders of passages. Well, maybe that’s okay, because it’s the family story, the family history.

But, whatever stuff I stick myself with should not be a burden to my family when I leave. And I don’t want them to stick themselves with my stuff just because it’s my stuff! I want them to know that it’s not important that I have a collection of model railroad equipment or Hallmark ornaments, or coins or stamps or books or jewelry or whatever that I just couldn’t part with; I can’t take them with me and who else wants a collection of things that’s uniquely mine, except me. I want them to know that as soon as I head for assisted living, or the dementia unit, or the great beyond there’s only one place they have to look for the really important stuff, the file box I keep in a corner of my closet floor.

It’s my memory box, the place I capture the reminders of events and relationships that are nearest and dearest to me, the cards, the letters, the mementos, the poetry and prose I wrote, the photos I took or saved, and the reminders. Oh, and the digital equivalent I keep on my computer. Those will be the records of my passages, of my footprints on this earth. That will be the stuff of life that they should keep and share with their children and their children’s children. That will be the story that every family should have and share, the story of the passages that both ground us and give us the wings we need to fly.

Un-stuffing, and leaving a few footprints in the sand…

-Pops